This is Asheigh’s Story, shared below, and written in her own words. Fear can be crippling and immobilizing. She tells of panic attacks, anxiety, and how she leaned in and asked God to bring her into the right place with Him. It wasn’t the fairy tale she expected. Even in the darkest corners of our hearts, there is hope, and Jesus knows the way out. Read on…
This year my life changed. I have always been desperately passionate about Christ. I have had struggles, but not like the kind that have faced me this year . . .but I guess I did ask for it.
Just after New Year I spoke to the Lord and said, ‘’Lord, I am stagnant. You know I have always wanted you deeply. You know I am here willing to serve you, but I am just living. I want to go even deeper into you. I want to keep growing in you. So if that means throwing me to the bottom of a pit, do it.’’
Not long after that He became more real than ever before and I received what I asked for. No longer was I just going to prepared die for Christ, but I was going to live.
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have complete boldness, so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. – Philippians 1:20-21
It started when I was on a mission trip. I had a panic attack. I had had panic attacks before but this one was far worse than any I had before. It lasted three hours. I ran out into the night, away from the people who were with me, because that was what I always did. I ran.
I remember the moment the indescribable terror hit me. It was fear unlike any I had ever felt before. The strength of its shock threw me onto my hands and knees with a cry. My breath groaned and my body tried to steady from the impact. It was as though my chest had been ripped open and the icy breath of fear had frozen my heart. I knew with absolute certainty that I needed help. I had never let anyone see me broken before. I hadn’t even let the Lord be with me when I suffered before. But this, I knew, this was more than I was capable of withstanding alone.
I tried to pull myself up from the dust and fell back down. I tried to drag myself forward through the dirt to get help and finally stood. Somehow my body stumbled across the dark night and called out. I remember sinking down against a wall. Someone came into view.
The days of suffering that followed turned into weeks and then into months. Each day I would wake up either feeling dead or far far too alive. Day after day I spent hidden from pain in sleep. Day after day I lay on the floor unmoving and numb but all too sensitive. But… day after day I felt the unbelievable closeness of God. I felt Him so near that I could almost feel His breath on my cheek. I was in so much pain, but I also felt so much joy in the presence of my Lord in my depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He was always there, holding my hand and leading me. I felt Him transforming my heart and molding me after His Son.
I found what it meant to live for Christ. I let go of my will. No longer could I just succumb to the emotions of my heart, I belonged to God. I had to pick up my cross and follow Him. Glory be to God.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. – Matthew 16:24-35
Read more from Ashleigh at www.historyofaheart.wordpress.com
Have you cried out to God in desperation and had Him meet you there? Will you tell us about it? Finding refuge in a living God helps us feel safe. Sharing your story can bring hope to someone today.
What is it you’re facing? Nobody goes into battle alone. We can stand with you. Let us know in the comments below how we can pray for you, or by submitting your story.
He will fight for you.