Civility with our Ex. Is it possible?


Reconciliation was the topic in our DivorceCare workshop on Monday. To be clear, we weren’t pushing marriage restoration for everyone, just simply talking about ways to get to a place of civil interaction with our ex. Even that is a place that’s far out of sight for most that are in the middle of conflict; immersed in pain, injustice, and confusion.

We start with us. We can’t control what our ex will do or say, but we can control what we say, what we engage in, and how we respond. Getting to a place of civility will be helpful to each of us, and to our kids…anyone involved really. And I totally get that it may seem impossible.

I like this approach written in the DivorceCare devotional:

 “If your wounds are still raw and you haven’t begun to stabilize your life, you might not be able to reconcile right away. Right now it is better to seek to grow in faith and in knowledge of God, learning and maturing as a single individual. Then, when you have begun to grow and stabilize and when you are ready to forgive, pray about reconciliation and actively seek it.”

We can all get there, but we have to let our wounds heal first, and become strong enough as individuals to be willing to forgive those that hurt us. IMG_7562I don’t know how that’s possible without first being introduced to God’s grace and mercy ourselves. We can start with just us, alone with God. We can pray that He will help us understand who we are to Him, and who He is to us.  He will take it from there if we let Him.  He did with me.


Have you found a way to live peacefully on the same planet as your ex?  Will you tell us about it?  It’s in our struggles that we really come to know God and ourselves.  Your story can bring hope to someone today.

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What is it you’re facing?  Nobody goes into battle alone.  We can stand with you.  Let us know in the comments below how we can pray for you, or by submitting your story.   He will fight for you.

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